((photo compliments of my mom...))
They have grown in leaps and bounds over the past year. My precious little daughter who has become a little girl in her own right. My sweet little son who has become a teeny bull dozer version of his father.
I like to watch them sleep. In fact, I often check on them two or three times before I go to bed for the night. Making sure they're covered up, making sure their lovies are within arms reach... It's when they're asleep that I can still see the baby in them. The baby that used to need me for everything from food to cuddles to clean bums.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I know how much they still need me. They are only two and three... but they're so independent now. Ephraim's indignant cry of "I can DO it, MOMMA," often rings through the house. Keyzia is down to writing her own name, and she is showing so much independance. It's letting go a little at a time, isn't it?
So many decision loom in our future. Decisions that we want to make sure are the best for these little beings that God has entrusted to us. The most imminent, and the one that weighs the most heavily on my heart is the school issue. We would love to send them to one of the two Christian schools here in town, but we simply do not, and, without a miracle of some kind, will not have the money to do that. Pretty high on the list right now is homeschooling.
I have some pretty huge terror and some pretty horrible feelings about relinquishing the care of my daughter, and eventually my son, to a perfect stranger.
I'm well aware of the fact that I went through public school with little to no problems... I'm well aware that the majority of the population goes through public school with little to no problems. What feels wrong to me is the fact that Jason and I have been the biggest influences in our children's lives for the past 3 1/2 years, and now I'm supposed to give that up? Count on someone else raising my children? Instilling the morales that I believe in?
I have days where I am completely for homeschooling. Days where I can see only the good side, fully the potential. The ability to teach my children at their own pace. The opportunity to allow them to focus on the things that they are interested in. To be able to fast track in some things, and yet go slowly on things that needed the extra time. That would be a luxury.
Of course, then there are the days when I only see the downside. The fact that I WOULD be one of the sole providers of education. That's a huge responsibility. I worry if I'll have the patience, the knowledge, the perseverance.
Homeschooling does cost a certain amount of money as well. Mind you, that would be far far less than Christian school, but still a factor as well. Would I be able to do respite work still? Or would I be too tired? All of these things are swirling around in my already murky brain...
One thing that I'm not worried about is the socialization aspect. There is a huge group of homeschoolers in Peterborough that I would be able to take advantage of. Not to mention play groups, swimming, ballet. All opportunities for the kids to get together and play with other kids of all ages.
As this New Year looms so does the need to make a decision over school. It also becomes a matter of faith. You take all the Christian kids out of the public schools, and where will the public schools be? Am I showing a lack of faith by not wanting to put my kids in an environment that I have very little control over?
It's amazing how it all changes when you have kids. Priorities, hopes, dreams... it all focuses on those little blessings that have been entrusted to us by God. This New Year will bring a lot of new things for us. It just remains to be seen what all those new things are!