There's something about family that makes you need their approval.  That need for approval is also what makes that little piece in you die a little when they don't seem to care about your life.  That little piece that gets hard when you aren't included in a gathering, when joy isn't shown for something that makes you incredibly joyful.  When sorrow isn't shared.

It hardens a person, makes them wonder why they bother making any effort at all.  Makes them wonder why God blessed them with such trials to make such relationships work.  Why He made us so differently in the first place.

In my family, when there's conflict or when plans change, it's simply ignored.  I am certainly not informed of things if people think it might make me angry.  Which is odd, in a way...  because I just get more angry that I haven't been informed of something changing in the first place.  It makes me feel as if I'm not worthwhile, not worth being clued in.  That my time isn't worth anything compared to their time.  That it's okay for me to sit around and wait for that email or that phone call, and it doesn't matter that I maybe could have done something else instead.  It makes me feel like an outsider.

I understand that sometimes things happen.  Sometimes things need to change, even last minute.  I totally get that.  Yes, I may be disappointed, annoyed even, but I would get over it.  I have three kids, it happens to us pretty much on an hourly basis. 

Apologies never happen in my family.  Unless it's an "I'm sorry, but... ((really it's all your fault))."  That has been a really difficult aspect for me to 'unlearn'.  I don't want my kids to avoid things when they screw up.  I don't want to avoid things continually when I screw up.  Ja and I make a concerted effort to apologize to our children (and others, as the case may be) when we do screw up.  Believe me, there are a lot of apologies flying through our house at any given time.

Sadly, we are all human.  We all screw up.  We can learn from those mistakes, but we need to acknowledge that mistakes were made in the first place.  That is certainly not an easy thing to do.

I have screwed up plenty on my own with my family.  It is very easy to fall into the 'no confrontation' trap.  It's what I grew up with.  It's what I KNOW.  It's relearning an entire way to live.

But you know what?  It's worth it.  It's worth it to be able to learn from mistakes that I've made.  It's worth it to know that I am not passing on a lack of personal responsibility to my children.  It's worth it to know that while I can't make a difference in some way, with some people, I can impact my own small family in ways that can impact the world.

And while our extended families may exclude us, may not inform us of special things, may avoid confrontation at all costs, what matters right here and right now is us.  Ja, Keyzia, Ephraim, Talya, and Jamie.  I am worth it.  My children's and my husband's smiles and love tell me that every day.